Once upon a time in a village in India, a man announced to the villagers that he would buy monkeys for $10.
The villagers seeing there were many monkeys around, went out to the forest and started catching them.
The man bought thousands at $10, but, as the supply started to diminish, the villagers stopped their efforts. [...]

Two guys are in a car. The driver comes to a stoplight
and goes right through it.
His friend says, “What are you doing?”
The driver says, “It’s okay, my brother does it all the
time.”

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A mom and dad were worried about their son not wanting to learn math
at the school he was in, so they decided to send him to a Catholic
school. After the first day of school, their son comes racing into the
house, goes straight into his room and slams the door shut. Mom and
dad are a little [...]

A man died and went to heaven. As he stood in front of St. Peter at the
Pearly Gates, he saw a huge wall of clocks behind him.
He asked, “What are all those clocks?”
St. Peter answered, “Those are Lie-Clocks. Everyone on Earth has a
Lie-Clock. Every time you lie the hands on your clock will move.”
“Oh,” said [...]

Bernie and Esther were not the most religious Jews and in fact
they really only went to Temple once a year. As they were leaving
the Temple, the Rabbi said, “Bernie, it sure would be nice to see
you and Esther here more than once a year!”

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A guy took his blonde girlfriend to her first football game. They had
great seats right behind their team’s bench. After the game, he asked
her how she liked the experience.
‘Oh, I really liked it,’ she replied, ‘especially the tight pants and
all the big muscles, but I just couldn’t understand why they were
killing each other over 25 [...]

Once a man was waiting for a taxi.
A beggar came along and asked him for some money. The man ignored him. But being a professional, the beggar kept on pestering him. The man became irritated when he realized that the beggar would not leave him alone unless he parts with some money.

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One Sunday afternoon, a guy walked into a bar with his pet dog. The
bartender said, “Sorry, pal. No pets allowed.”
The man replied, “This is a special dog. Turn on the (insert the name
of a football team you wish to lampoon) game and you’ll see.”

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Ever notice you sometimes have the craziest thoughts when you’re half
asleep? We came up with these amusing musings, also known as “Deep
Thoughts,” also known as “What are you smoking?”
1. If they ever come up with a swashbuckling School, I think one of
the courses should be Laughing and Jumping Off Stuff.

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Eight-year-old Benny’s father took him to the zoo one afternoon.
The boy asked his father all kinds of questions about the various
animals they visited.
They eventually came to the fenced-in preserve where they kept the
lions. The father was explaining how ferocious and strong the lions
were. Benny was hanging on every word.

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