It’s impossible to believe that the sperm that created this child beat out 1,000,000 others.
The wheel is turning but the hamster is definitely dead.
If this student were any more stupid, he’d have to be watered twice a week.
The gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn’t coming.

Wife is like TV, girlfriend is like Hand phone (HP)
At home watch TV Go out bring HP.
No money, sell TV. Got money change HP.
Sometimes enjoy TV

Son: Dad, I have to do a special report for school. Can I ask you a question?
Father: Sure, son. What’s the question?
Son: What is politics?

A shepherd was herding his flock in a remote pasture when suddenly a brand-new BMW advanced out of the dust cloud towards him. The driver, a young man in a Broni suit, Gucci shoes, Ray Ban sunglasses and YSL tie, leaned out the window and asked the shepherd,……….
“If I tell you exactly how many sheep [...]

A true story from the Japanese Embassy in US:
Prime Minister Mori was given some basic English conversation training before he visits Washington and meets with President Bill Clinton.
The instructor told Mori ” Prime Minister, when you shake hand with President Clinton,please say ‘how are you’. Then Mr Clinton should say “I am fine, and you [...]

Two old women were sitting on a bench waiting for their bus. The buses were running late, and a lot of time passed. Finally, one woman turned to the other and said, “You know, I’ve been sitting here so long, my butt fell asleep!’.
The other woman turned to her and said “I know! I [...]

The teacher was telling her 4th grade class about today’s lesson.
“I’ll say a letter of the alphabet and you give me a word that starts with that letter. Let’s begin. A”
All the children raise their hands, but little Johnny was almost coming out of his seat trying to get picked. The teacher knew Johnny had [...]

One day a guy dies and finds himself in hell. As he is wallowing in despair he has his first meeting with a demon…
Demon: Why so glum chum?
Guy: What do you think? I’m in hell.
Demon: Hell’s not so bad. We actually have a lot of fun down here…you a drinkin’ [...]

A blonde tried to sell her old car, but she was having a lot of problems selling it, because the car had 250,000 miles on it.
One day, she told her problem to a brunette she worked with. The brunette told her, “There is a possibility to make the car easier to sell, but it’s not [...]

A couple went to the hospital to have their baby delivered. Upon arrival, the doctor said that they had a new machine that would transfer by kinetic energy a portion of the mother’s labor pain to the father.
He asked if they were willing to try it out. They were both very much in favor of [...]