Joke On The Side

By: enj

AS ALWAYS, I AM JOKE #1

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Joke # 2

A positive attitude may not solve all your problems but
it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort.

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Joke # 3

Go to end of the world

Man: “I would go to the end of the world for you.”

Woman: “Yes, but would you stay there?”

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Joke # 4

Q: Did Adam and Eve ever have a date?
A: No, they had an apple.

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Joke # 5

Date

A customer wanted to ask his attractive waitress for a
date, but couldn’t get her attention. When he was able
to catch her eye, she quickly looked away. Finally he
followed her into the kitchen and blurted out his
invitation. To his amazement, she readily consented.

He said, “Why have you been avoiding me all this time?
You wouldn’t even make eye contact.”

“Oh,” said the waitress, “I thought you wanted more
coffee.”

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Joke # 6

A farmer has three sons.

One day, his oldest boy comes to him and pleads with him
that he is graduating from school and would really like
to get a car.

His father says, “Son, come with me.”

He takes him to the barn and points to the farm tractor
and says, “That tractor is needed here on the farm and
I promise that as soon as it’s paid for, we’ll get you
a car.”

The boy was not too happy but he did understand that
situation and said, “Okay, Dad.”

A week later, his second son (10 years old) approaches
him wanting a new two-wheel bicycle.

Well, he gets the same excuse. “as soon as that tractor
is paid for.”

Shortly, a few days later, son number 3, his youngest,
comes bugging him for a tricycle.

Again, ol’ Dad gives him the lecture about the tractor
being paid for first.

While leaving the barn, the young boy, more than a
little disgusted with the whole thing, sees a rooster
mating with one of the hens and promptly goes over and
kicks the rooster smooth off the hen’s back, mumbling
to himself the whole time.

His dad says, “Son, why on earth would you do something
like that? He didn’t do anything to you to deserve that!”

The little boy looks his Dad right square in the eye and
says, “Hey, nobody rides anything around here until that
damn tractor is paid for!”

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Joke # 7

Golfing

One day a man went golfing. On the fourth tee he was
separated from his friends momentarily, and bumped into
a passing demon. “Hey,” said the demon, “How’d you like
to make a hole in one?”

“What’s the catch?” said the man suspiciously.

“It will shorten your sex life by five years,” replied
the demon.

“Hmmm . . . okay,” said the man, and went on to make a
spectacular shot, a hole in one, just as ordered. On the
next tee, he again bumped into the demon. “How’d you
like to make it two holes-in-one, back-to-back?” said
the demon.

“It’s only been done five times in the history of golf.”

“What’s the pay back this time?” said the man. “It will
shorten your sex life by another twenty years,” said
the demon.

“I guess,” agreed the man, and again he made an amazing
shot. All his friends were amazed and people were coming
from miles around to see the man who had made two holes-
in-one in the same game!

On the next hole, the man again bumped into the demon,
who proposed yet again. “Look, another hole-in-one would
mean three in a row. It’s never been done in the history
of the world! C’mon!”

“No problem,” said the man, agreeing.

“What do I have to give up this time?”

“You may never touch a person of the opposite sex ever
again for the rest of your life.” said the demon.

“Okay!” said the man.

He went on to make his third consecutive hole-in-one.
And that’s how Father Jones got into the Guinness Book
of Records!

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Joke # 8

Q: When do cannibals leave the table?
A: When everyone’s eaten.

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