Quickies

A lady goes into the butcher shop and as she is walking around the store, she spies a beef tongue in the butcher’s counter. The lady asks, “What in the world is that?”

“Beef tongue,” replies the butcher.

The lady gives a little involuntary shudder, “No way would I put anything in my mouth that came out of an animal’s mouth!”

The butcher nods sympathetically while peeking into the woman’s shopping cart, “I see you’re buying a dozen eggs…”

~~~~~~

My sister was bemoaning the fact that she had procrastinated cleaning and organizing her house for a long time. Since she was planning to entertain, she felt a lot of pressure to get moving.

That afternoon she phoned, sounding glum.

“I went to the bookstore,” she explained. “And I bought a book on how to get organized. I was all fired up, and I decided to clean out all the shelves in the living room. While I was cleaning, I found the same darn book. I had bought it a couple of years ago!”

~~~~~~

A man goes to the police station to talk to the burglar who had broken into his house the night before.

“You’ll get your chance in court,” said the Desk Sergeant, when he asked what the man wanted.

“No, no, no!” says the man. “I want to know how he got into the house without waking my wife. I’ve been trying to do that for years!”

~~~~~~

The elementary school teacher was trying impress upon the seventh-grade history class how Native Americans must have felt when they first encountered the Spanish explorers.

“How would you feel,” said she, “if someone showed up on your doorstep who looked very different, spoke a strange language and wore unusual clothes? Wouldn’t you be a bit scared?”

“Nah,” one boy answered, “I’d just figure it was my sister’s date…”

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