Useful Survival Tips at the Workplace

By: enj

LESSON 1

A junior manager, a senior manager and their boss are on their way to a meeting.

On their way through a park, they come across a wonder lamp.

They rub the lamp and a ghost appears.
The ghost says :

” Normally, one is granted three wishes, but as you are three, I will allow one wish each. ”

So the eager senior manager shouted : ” I want the first wish.

I want to be in the Bahamas , on a fast boat and have no worries.”

Pfufffff …. and he was gone.
Now the junior manager could not keep quiet and shouted :

” I want to be in Florida with beautiful girls, plenty of food and cocktails. ”

Pfufffff …. And he was also gone.

The boss calmly said : ” I want these two idiots back in the office after lunch at 12.30 pm . ”

MORAL OF THE STORY : ALWAYS LET THE BOSS SPEAK FIRST

LESSON 2

Standing in front of a shredder with a piece of paper in his hand,
” Listen,” said the CEO, ” this is a very sensitive and important document,
and my secretary has left. Can you make this thing work?”
” Certainly,” said the young executive.
He turned the machine on, inserted the paper, and pressed the start button.
” Excellent, excellent! ” said the CEO as his paper disappeared inside the shredder machine.

” I just need one copy. ”
LESSON # 2 : NEVER, NEVER ASSUME THAT YOUR BOSS KNOWS EVERYTHING

LESSON 3

An American and a Japanese were sitting on the plane on the way to LA When
the American turned to the Japanese and asked

” What kind of -ese are you ? ”

The Japanese, confused, replied : ” Sorry, but I don’t understand what you mean. ”

The American repeated : ” What kind of -ese are you ? ”

Again, the Japanese was confused over the question.
The American, now irritated, then yelled : ” What kind of -ese are you
… Are you a Chinese, Japanese, Vietnamese !, etc……??? ”

The Japanese then replied : ” Oh, I am a Japanese. ”

A while later the Japanese turned to the American and asked what kind of ‘key’ was he.

The American, frustrated, yelled : ” What do you mean what kind of -kee’ am I ?! ”

The Japanese said, ” Are you a Yankee, donkee, or monkee ? ”
LESSON No 3 : NEVER INSULT ANYONE


LESSON 4

There were these 4 guys — a Russian, a German, an American and a French,

who together found this small genie bottle.

When they rubbed the bottle, a genie appeared.

Thankful that the 4 guys had released him out of the bottle, he said :

” Next to you all are 4 swimming pools, I will give each of you a wish.

When you run towards the pool and jump, you shout what you want the pool of water to become,

then your wish will come true. ”
The French wanted to start.

He ran towards the pool, jumped and shouted : ” Wine ! ”

The pool immediately changed into a pool of wine.

The Frenchman was very happy, swimming and drinking from the pool.
Next is the Russian’s turn.

He did the same and shouted : ” Vodka ! ” and immersed himself into a pool of vodka.
The German was next and he jumped and shouted : ” Beer ! ”

He was likewise very contented with his beer-filled pool.
The last is the American.

He was running towards the pool when suddenly he steps on a banana peel.

He slipped towards the pool and shouted, ” Shit !!!!!!!………”
LESSON # 4 : ALWAYS THINK TWICE BEFORE YOU SAY SOMETHING,

BECAUSE SOMETIMES ACCIDENTS DO HAPPEN !

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