Various Stages of Life – Male and Female

THE MALE STAGES OF LIFE

AGE DRINK
17 – beer
25 – vodka
35 – bourbon
48 – double bourbon
66 – Maalox

AGE SEDUCTION LINE
17 – My parents are away for the weekend.
25 – My girlfriend is away for the weekend
35 – My fiance is away for the weekend.
48 – My wife is away for the weekend.
66 – My second wife is dead.

AGE DEFINITION OF A SUCCESSFUL DATE
17 – tongue
25 – breakfast
35 – She didn’t set back my therapy
48 – I didn’t have to meet her kids
66 – Got home alive.

AGE FAVORITE FANTASY
17 – getting to third
25 – airplane s*x
35 – menage a trois
48 – taking the company public
66 – firm bowel movement

WHAT’S THE IDEAL AGE TO GET MARRIED?
17 – 25
25 – 35
35 – 48
48 – 66
66 – 17

AGE IDEAL DATE

17 Triple Stephen King feature at a drive-in
25 Split the check before we go back to my place
35 Just come over
48 Sex in the company jet on the way to Vegas.
66 Just come over and cook.

THE FEMALE STAGES OF LIFE

AGE DRINK
17 – Wine Coolers
25 – White wine
35 – Red wine
48 – Dom Perignon
66 – Shot of Jack with an Ensure chaser

AGE EXCUSES FOR REFUSING DATES
17 – Need to wash my hair
25 – Need to wash and condition my hair
35 – Need to color my hair
48 – Need to have Francois color my hair
66 – Need to have Francois color my wig

AGE FAVORITE SPORT
17 – shopping
25 – shopping
35 – shopping
48 – shopping
66 – shopping

AGE DEFINITION OF A SUCCESSFUL DATE
17 – Burger King
25 – Free meal
35 – A diamond
48 – A bigger diamond
66 – Home Alone

AGE FAVORITE FANTASY
17 – tall, dark and handsome
25 – tall, dark and handsome with money
35 – tall, dark and handsome with money and a brain
48 – a man with hair
66 – a man

AGE WHAT’S THE IDEAL AGE TO GET MARRIED?
17 – 17
25 – 25
35 – 35
48 – 48
66 – 66

AGE IDEAL DATE
17 – He offers to pay
25 – He pays
35 – He cooks breakfast the next morning
48 – He cooks breakfast the next morning for the kids
66 – He can chew breakfast

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