Marriage Jokes

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Marriage – Part I

Typical macho man marries typical

good-looking woman and after the wedding,

he laid down the following rules:

“I’ll be home when I want, if I want and

at what time I want

and I don’t expect any hassle from you.

I expect a great dinner to be on table unless

I tell you that I won’t be home for dinner.

I’ll go hunting, fishing, boozing and

card-playing when I want with my old buddies

and don’t you give me a hard time about it.

Those are my rules!

Any comments?”

His new bride says, “No, that’s fine with me.

Just understand that there will be sex

here at seven o’clock every night

whether ! you’re here or not.”

(SHE’S GOOD!)

************************************

Marriage (Part II)

Husband and wife have a bitter quarrel on the

day of their 40th wedding anniversary!

The husband yells, “When you die,

I’m getting you a headstone that reads:

“Here Lies My Wife – Cold As Ever ”

“Yeah?” she replies. “When you die,

I’m getting you a headstone that reads:

“Here Lies My Husband Stiff At Last”

(HE ASKED FOR IT!)

******************************

Marriage (Part III)

Husband (a doctor) and his wife

are having a fight at the breakfast table.

Husband gets up in a rage and says,

“You’re no good in bed either!”

and storms out of the house.

After sometime, he realizes he was nasty

and decides to make amends

and rings her up.

She comes to the phone after many rings,

and the irritated husband says,

“What took you so long to answer the phone?”

She says, “I was in bed.”

“In bed this early, doing what?”

She says,

“Getting a second opinion!”

(YEP, HE HAD THAT ONE COMING, TOO!)

******************************************

Marriage (Part IV)

A man has six children and is very proud

of his achievements. He is so proud of himself,

that he starts calling his wife,

“Mother of Six” in spite of her objections.

One night, they go to a party.

The man decides that it’s time to go home

and wants to find out

if his wife is ready to leave as well.

He shouts at the top of his voice,

“Shall we go home ‘Mother of Six?’

His wife, irritated by her husband’s lack

of discretion, shouts right back,

“Anytime you’re ready, Father of Four.”

(DITTO!)

**************************************

Marriage (Part V) The Silent Treatment

A man and his wife were having some problems

at home and were giving each other the

silent treatment.

Suddenly, the man realized that the next day,

he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM

for an early morning business flight.

Not wanting to be the first to break the silence

(and LOSE),

he wrote on a piece of paper,

“Please wake me at 5:00 AM.”

He left it where he knew she would find it.

The next morning, the man woke up,

only to discover it was 9:00 AM

and he had missed his flight.

Furious, he was about to go and see why

his wife hadn’t wakened him,

when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed.

The paper said,

“It is 5:00 AM. Wake up.”

Men are not equipped

! for these kinds of contests.

God may have created man before w oman ,

but there is always a rough draft before

the masterpiece.

SEND THIS TO SMART WOMEN

WHO NEED A LAUGH……..

AND TO MEN YOU THINK CAN HANDLE IT.

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