Humour

316.
I am buying this Dictionary for my son. Do you have any recommendations for it?
How old is your son, madam?
Two years!
Then in that case you use it for yourself as your English is very poor.
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317.
Why does your daughter looks in the mirror and study?
She says that at the same time she can admire herself!
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318.
Everyone is coming with a list of contributions for those who are getting married, and I am bankrupt!!
You also get married ,and you will also receive a contribution from us!
That’s a wise thing – I’ll take your advice seriously!
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319.
Why do you want to get your daughter married abroad?
So that I also get a chance to go abroad!
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320.
Why do you think she runs away when you see her with her husband?
You see, I had a ‘soft corner’ for her before her marriage, and so now she is afraid that I may tell about it to her husband!
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321.
Why do you want us to give you publicity by publishing your articles in our magazine?
Because I am still unmarried!
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322.
My God, what a handsome husband you have – I am dazzled and very jealous of you!!
What is so great about him? Everyone says I am not as handsome as he and that “depresses” me!!
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323.
My son don’t jump like that – you will break your leg!!
But mummyi, I have two legs!
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324.
Why is your husband not listening to you even if you are right in your arguments?
Because I am ‘cock-pecked’!!
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325.
Would you mind if I polish your article and then publish it?
Of course not, so long as my photograph is published along with it!
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326.
Why does he want the medical certificate form?
He says he is likely to fall sick next week!
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327.
Oh, your husband is a professor and you have not even completed your graduation. How did he marry you?
He fell in love with me while I was studying in his college!
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328.
There are many grammatical mistakes in this typing!
I am fully aware of it, sir. But that is what you have dictated, sir!
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329.
Be careful – they are trying to kill you!
If that is so, I am happy to die as a martyr as I’ll go straight to Heav en!
Then why don’t you kill me?
So you want to go to Heaven and want me to go to Hell for killing you? You may ask your wife to kill you in that case!
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330.
When he is so old, why is he always surrounded by young girls?
You see, he has two young handsome marriageale sons!
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331.
I was in love with her for so many years, but never did I touch her, to be very frank!
Then it is ‘not’ love at all!!
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332.
Is it a religious book that you are reading, beautiful young lady?
No dear, it is a love story book – I am also in love!
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333.
Why did her Boss sack her when she is such an efficient Secretary?
It seems she let him down by refusing to have a date with him!
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334.
Why has he given such an expensive ice-cream to us on getting married?
He says he received a huge dowry from his wife!
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335.
Why doesn’t his wife object for his not shaving his beard?
She says that so long as he loves her and takes care of her, shie is least bothered about how he keeps his beard!
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