Joke Collection

A man is stumbling through the woods, totally drunk, when he comes upon a
preacher baptizing people in the river. He proceeds to walk into the water
and subsequently bumps into the preacher. The preacher turns around and is
almost overcome by the smell of booze. But, he still manages to ask the
drunk, “Are you ready to find Jesus?”
The drunk answers, “Yes,I am.”

So the preacher grabs him and dunks him in the water. He pulls him up and
asks the drunk, “Brother have you found Jesus?”

The drunk replies, “No, I haven’t found Jesus.”

The preacher, shocked at the answer, dunks him into the water again but for
a little longer this time. He again pulls him out of the water and asks
again, “Have you found Jesus, my brother?”

The drunk again answers, “No, I haven’t found Jesus.”

By this time, the preacher is at his wits end so he dunks the drunk in the
water again — but this time he holds him down for about 30 seconds.

When the drunk begins kicking his arms and legs, the preacher pulls him up.
The preacher asked the drunk again, “For the love of God, have you found
Jesus?”

The drunk wipes his eyes and catches his breath and says to the preacher,
“Are you sure this is where he fell in?”

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A Golfer husband usually would love to Golf every weekend and go away from
his wife no matter what the weather or obstructions.

Then came this Saturday when he jumped into the car and drove to the Golf
Course early in the morning. Well it was bone chilling icy cold that he
canceled his idea of Golfing that day and returned to warmth of his beautiful wife.

His wife had not yet come out of bed when he came home back. Growing
romantic, he took of his clothes, jumped into bed behind her, snuggled up to his
wife’s backside, grabbing her from behind, and mumbled, “Terrible weather out
there, sweetheart!”

She replied, “Yeah, and can you believe that stupid husband of mine is
golfing out there?”
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A man talking to his friend about what to do for his 50th wedding
anniversary. The friend asked, “What did you do for your 25th?”

He said, “I took my wife to Hawaii.”

The friend then asked, “What are you thinking about for your 50th?”

He said, “Well I was thinking of bringing her back.”

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Teacher :What happened in 1869?
Student:Gandhi ji was born.
Teacher :What happened in 1873?
Student:Gandhiji was four years old.

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Question:What is the fullform of maths.
Anwser: Mentaly affected teachers harrasing students

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Teacher : Now children , if I saw a man beating a donkey and stopped him
then what virtue would I be showing ?
Student : BROTHERLY LOVE

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Teacher :Because of Gandhiji’s hard work what do we get on 15th August.
Student:A holiday

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Teacher :Tomorrow there will be a lecture on Sun.Everyone must attend it.
Raju:No ma’m! I will not be able to attend it.
Teacher :Why?
Raju:My mother will not allow me to go so far!!!

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Teacher:”Can anyone give me an example of Coincidence?”
Johnny:”Sir, my mother and father got married on the same day same time.”
Teacher: How old is ur father.
Sunny:As old as I am.
Teacher:How is it possible?
Sunny:He became father only after I was born.

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Teacher:There is a frog,Ship is sinking,potatoes cost Rs 3/kg .Then,what is
my age?
STUDENT:32 yrs.
Teacher:How do you know?
STUDENT:Well,my sister is 16 yrs old and she! is half mad.

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Teacher: Where does God live?
Little boy: I think he lives in our bathroom.
Teacher: Why do you say that?
Little boy: Well, every morning my daddy bangs on the door and says, ‘God,
are you still in there?’

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Teacher:”What is your name?”.
Student:”Mera naam Suraj Prakash h! ai.”
Teacher:”When I ask aquestion in english,answer it in english.”
Student:”My name is Sunlight.”
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Insults:
1. Any similarity between you and a human is purely coincidental!
2. Are you always so stupid or is today a special occasion?
3. As an outsider, what do you think of the human race?
4. I’d like to kick you in the teeth, but why should I improve your
looks?
5. At least there’s one thing good about your body. It isn’t as ugly
as your face!
6. Brains aren’t everything. In fact, in your case they’re nothing
7. Careful now, don’t let your brains go to your head!
8. I like you. People say I’ve no taste, but I like you.
9. Did your parents ever ask you to run away from home?
10.If I had a face like yours. I’d sue my parents!
11.Don’t feel bad. A lot of people have no talent!
12.Don’t get insulted, but is your job devoted to spreading ignorance?
13.Keep talking; someday you’ll say something intelligent!
14.Don’t you love nature, despite what it did to you?
15.Don’t think, it may sprain your brain!
16.Fellows like you don’t grow from trees; they swing from them.
17.He has a mechanical mind. Too bad he forgot to wind it up this
morning.
18.He has a mind like a steel trap-always closed!
19.You are a man of the world-and you know what sad shape the world is
in.
20.He is always lost in thought-it’s unfamiliar territory.
21.He is dark and handsome. When it’s dark, he’s handsome.
22.He is known as a miracle comic. if he’s funny, it’s a miracle!
23.He is listed in Who’s Who as What’s That?
24.He is living proof that man can live without a brain!
25.He is so short, when it rains he is always the last one to know.
26.He is the kind of a man that you would use as a blueprint to build an
idiot.
27.How come you’re here? I thought the zoo is closed at night!
28.After a quarrel, a wife said to her husband, “You know, I was a fool
when I married you.” And the husband replied, “Yes, dear, but I was in love
and didn’t notice it”.

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